So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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