Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
