I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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