i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
