i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
