a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
