Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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