we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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