I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
