dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She bit a glass in half.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
