my phone needs a breathalizer
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
