he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
People in love make me want to vomit
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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