hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
