Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
