I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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