I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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