I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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