look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
