If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
