Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
