so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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