Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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