What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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