Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
