you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
