It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
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Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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