Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
