Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
