If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
