I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
