And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
