she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
