dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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