It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
