please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
