If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
