Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
