Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
