K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
