I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
