This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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