My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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