So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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