Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
