How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
