Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
