just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
