Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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