I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
