That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
