Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
