I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
