We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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