I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
