I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
