We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
pop tarts are not kleenex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
