Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
