How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
