I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
