so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
