Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
